Reflexive pronouns are words like myself, yourself, himself, herself, itself, ourselves, yourselves, and themselves that refer back to the subject of a sentence. They look simple, but they cause persistent mistakes in speech, email, business writing, and ESL classrooms. I have corrected thousands of sentences containing forms such as “Please contact John or myself” and “Themselves are responsible,” and the pattern is consistent: writers often choose a reflexive pronoun when a standard object pronoun is required, or they avoid one when the sentence truly needs it. Getting these forms right matters because reflexive pronouns signal grammatical relationships very precisely. When used correctly, they make meaning clear, emphasize the right person or group, and prevent awkward, nonstandard phrasing. When used incorrectly, they distract readers and can make otherwise polished writing sound uncertain. A focused understanding of when yourself and themselves are correct helps with every other reflexive pronoun as well, because the same rules govern all of them.
The core rule is direct: use a reflexive pronoun when the subject and the object are the same person, thing, or group, or when you want deliberate emphasis. In “She introduced herself,” she and herself refer to the same person, so the reflexive form is required. In “You should ask yourself one question,” you and yourself match, so the sentence is grammatical. In “They blamed themselves for the error,” they and themselves match. The trouble begins when people extend that pattern too far. Reflexive pronouns are not fancy replacements for me, you, or them. They have a specific job. If you remember that reflexive pronouns must usually point back to the subject, you can solve most cases quickly and confidently.
What Reflexive Pronouns Do in a Sentence
Reflexive pronouns perform two main functions. First, they act as objects that point back to the subject. This happens with direct objects, indirect objects, and objects of prepositions. “I taught myself Excel” uses myself as a direct object. “She bought herself a notebook” uses herself as an indirect object. “He was talking to himself” uses himself after a preposition. In each example, the action returns to the subject. Second, reflexive pronouns can add emphasis. “I wrote the report myself” does not mean I acted on myself; it means I wrote it personally, without help. That emphatic use is common in spoken English and professional writing.
A simple test works well in editing. Find the subject first. Then ask whether the pronoun refers back to that exact subject. If it does, a reflexive pronoun may be correct. If it does not, a regular object pronoun is usually needed. For example, “The manager spoke to Maria and me” is correct because the object is not referring back to the subject manager. “The manager spoke to herself” is correct only if the manager spoke to the manager. This subject-match test is faster and more reliable than trusting what sounds formal.
When Yourself Is Correct
Yourself is correct when it refers back to the subject you or when it adds emphasis to you. “You should pace yourself during the exam” is correct because the person doing the action and receiving it is the same. “Did you hurt yourself?” follows the same pattern. So does “You may find yourself disagreeing with the policy.” In each case, yourself is grammatically tied to the subject you.
The emphatic use is also standard: “You yourself approved the final version.” Here, yourself intensifies you. It highlights personal involvement. In workplace communication, this form can be useful when responsibility or authority matters. “Only you yourself can reset the device” is grammatical, though in practice many editors would prefer the leaner “Only you can reset the device.” Correct does not always mean best style. Good grammar and good editing are related, but they are not identical.
Where learners and native speakers often slip is in polite but ungrammatical phrases such as “If you have questions, contact Sarah or yourself.” That sentence needs you, not yourself, because the object pronoun does not refer back to the subject. The subject is implied you in the command contact, but “Sarah or you” are objects of the verb, not reflexive forms tied back in the right way. The correct sentence is “If you have questions, contact Sarah or me” if the speaker is included, or “contact Sarah or you” is impossible in that structure. In business English, “between yourself and me” is another frequent error. The correct phrase is “between you and me.”
When Themselves Is Correct
Themselves is correct when it refers back to a plural subject such as they. “The students organized themselves into teams” is standard because the students performed the action on the same group. “They prepared themselves for the audit” and “The children can dress themselves” work for the same reason. The pronoun must connect clearly to the plural subject. If there is no matching subject, themselves is wrong.
Themselves also appears in emphatic constructions: “The directors themselves reviewed the complaint.” That use stresses that the directors, not assistants or staff, did the reviewing. In formal editing, I often keep this kind of emphasis when it adds contrast or accountability, but remove it when it adds no meaning. “The team themselves attended” sounds dialectal in some varieties of English because American English usually prefers “the team itself” for a collective noun treated as singular, while British English may accept plural agreement more readily. Audience matters.
Another important point involves singular they. Modern standard English widely accepts themself and themselves for a person whose gender is unknown or who uses they/them pronouns. Many style guides, including major dictionaries and institutional guides, recognize both patterns, though themselves remains more common in general published prose. “Each applicant should ask themselves whether the role fits” is now common and broadly accepted. If you are teaching ESL students, explain that usage depends partly on house style and register, not only on grammar tradition.
Common Errors and How to Fix Them
Most errors fall into a few predictable categories. People use reflexive pronouns to sound formal, they confuse emphasis with object function, or they lose track of the subject in long sentences. The fastest way to correct these errors is to reduce the sentence to its skeleton and check the subject-pronoun relationship.
| Incorrect | Correct | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Please email James or myself. | Please email James or me. | No reflexive meaning; object pronoun needed. |
| Themselves completed the form. | They completed the form. | Subject form, not reflexive form, is required. |
| She kept the decision to yourself. | She kept the decision to herself. | Pronoun must match the subject she. |
| You and myself will present. | You and I will present. | Subject pronouns are required. |
A sentence like “My supervisor asked Priya and myself to join the call” feels polished to many speakers, but it is still wrong. Remove the other person and test it: “My supervisor asked myself to join the call” is clearly ungrammatical. The correct sentence is “My supervisor asked Priya and me to join the call.” This single-removal test is one of the most effective classroom tools I use. For learners comparing related pronoun mistakes, this guide pairs well with a broader article on coordination and agreement at either, neither, and both.
Style, Register, and Practical Editing Choices
Not every correct reflexive pronoun improves a sentence. In legal, technical, and corporate writing, extra emphasis can sound defensive or inflated. “I myself conducted the review” is grammatical, but “I conducted the review” is usually stronger unless contrast is important. The same is true for “the authors themselves” and “you yourself.” Use the emphatic form when you need to distinguish one actor from another, not as decoration.
There are also fixed or semi-fixed expressions where reflexive pronouns are normal: by yourself, for themselves, in itself, beside herself. Even here, meaning depends on context. “She was beside herself” is idiomatic and not literally reflexive in the everyday sense. Advanced learners benefit from seeing that grammar operates alongside usage conventions. Standard rules explain most cases, but frequency and idiom explain the rest. The best approach is disciplined: check subject agreement first, then consider emphasis, then consider style. That sequence prevents the majority of errors.
Reflexive pronouns are correct when they refer back to the subject or when they add clear emphasis, and that rule explains nearly every case involving yourself and themselves. Use yourself with the subject you: “You asked yourself,” “You prepared yourself,” “You yourself approved it.” Use themselves with a plural they: “They taught themselves,” “They blamed themselves,” “The directors themselves responded.” Do not use these forms as formal substitutes for ordinary pronouns such as me, you, or them. If the pronoun does not point back to the subject, it is probably the wrong choice.
In practice, one editing habit will solve most problems: identify the subject, identify the pronoun, and verify that they refer to the same person or group. If they do, a reflexive pronoun may be right. If they do not, choose the standard subject or object form instead. That small check improves clarity immediately and helps your writing sound natural rather than overcorrected. Review a few sentences from your own emails or reports today, and replace any unnecessary reflexive pronouns with the simpler form that grammar actually requires.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a reflexive pronoun, and when is it actually correct to use one?
A reflexive pronoun is a word such as myself, yourself, himself, herself, itself, ourselves, yourselves, or themselves that refers back to the subject of the same clause. In plain English, the subject does something to the same person or thing. For example, in “She taught herself Spanish,” herself refers back to she. In “I reminded myself to call,” myself refers back to I. That is the core rule: a reflexive pronoun is correct when it points back to the subject that already appears in the sentence.
Reflexive pronouns also appear in intensive use, where they add emphasis rather than act as an object. In a sentence like “The CEO himself approved the proposal” or “I wrote the report myself,” the reflexive pronoun emphasizes the subject. It is still tied to that subject, which is why it works. What reflexive pronouns do not do is replace ordinary subject or object pronouns just because they sound more formal. That is why “Please contact John or myself” is incorrect in standard English. Since myself is not referring back to a subject that is acting on itself, the correct form is “Please contact John or me.”
Why is “Please contact John or myself” considered incorrect?
This sentence is one of the most common reflexive-pronoun mistakes in business writing and email. The problem is grammatical, not stylistic. In “Please contact John or myself,” the pronoun is part of the object of the verb contact. The correct object pronoun is me, not myself. Reflexive pronouns cannot normally stand in for standard object pronouns unless they clearly refer back to the subject of the same clause. Because there is no subject like I earlier in that clause for myself to reflect back to, myself has no proper grammatical job there.
A quick test makes this easy. Remove the other noun and listen to the sentence: “Please contact myself” sounds wrong to most native speakers, while “Please contact me” is clearly correct. The same principle applies in similar examples: “Send the report to Sarah or me,” not “Sarah or myself”; “If you have questions, call David or me,” not “David or myself.” Many people choose myself because it sounds polite, professional, or less direct than me, but in edited standard English, that is not how the form works. If the pronoun is simply receiving the action, use the normal object pronoun.
Can reflexive pronouns be used as subjects, as in “Themselves are responsible”?
No. Reflexive pronouns are generally not used as standalone subjects in standard English. A sentence such as “Themselves are responsible” is incorrect because themselves must refer back to a previously stated subject, and here it is trying to function as the subject itself. The correct version would be “They are responsible.” Similarly, you would say “We completed the task ourselves,” but not “Ourselves completed the task.” In the correct sentence, we is the subject, and ourselves either reflects back to we or emphasizes it.
This mistake often happens when writers know that reflexive pronouns sound specific or emphatic, so they use them where a regular subject pronoun should go. But English keeps these roles separate. Subject pronouns do the action: I, you, he, she, it, we, they. Object pronouns receive the action: me, you, him, her, it, us, them. Reflexive pronouns refer back to the subject: myself, yourself, himself, and so on. Once you remember that reflexive forms are dependent on an existing subject, sentences like “Themselves are responsible” become easy to recognize and fix.
How can I tell whether I need “me,” “I,” or “myself” in a sentence?
The simplest method is to identify the pronoun’s role. Use I when the pronoun is the subject: “John and I are leading the meeting.” Use me when the pronoun is the object: “Please email John and me.” Use myself only when it refers back to the subject or adds emphasis: “I prepared myself for the presentation” or “I prepared the presentation myself.” If the sentence does not already contain I as the subject of the same clause, myself is usually the wrong choice.
Another reliable strategy is to remove the other person or noun from the sentence. For example, in “The manager spoke to Elena and me,” remove Elena and and you get “The manager spoke to me,” which is correct. In “Elena and I reviewed the contract,” remove Elena and and you get “I reviewed the contract,” also correct. But if you try “The manager spoke to Elena and myself,” removing Elena and leaves “The manager spoke to myself,” which reveals the error immediately. This test is especially useful in professional writing, where paired nouns often make pronoun choice feel less obvious than it really is.
What are the most common reflexive pronoun mistakes in business writing and ESL learning?
The most common mistake is using a reflexive pronoun to sound more formal or polite, especially in phrases like “between you and myself,” “Please see Jane or myself,” or “The report was sent to Michael and yourself.” In each case, the reflexive pronoun should be replaced with a regular object pronoun: “between you and me,” “Please see Jane or me,” and “sent to Michael and you.” Another frequent error is using a reflexive pronoun as the subject, as in “Myself will handle the request” or “Themselves are available tomorrow.” These should be “I will handle the request” and “They are available tomorrow.”
For ESL learners, the challenge is often that reflexive forms appear simple on a vocabulary list but behave differently from regular pronouns in actual sentences. Learners may overgeneralize and assume myself is just a more advanced version of me. It is not. The best way to avoid mistakes is to remember two practical rules: first, use a reflexive pronoun only when it points back to the subject; second, if you are just naming who receives the action, use the normal object pronoun instead. In workplace English, following these rules will make your writing sound clearer, more natural, and more grammatically accurate than choosing reflexive forms for extra polish.
